Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
