in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm bleeding and have questions
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
