swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
