I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
