Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
