I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so let's talk penis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
