the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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