ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
