If i could tip my vagina, i would.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
