Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
