everyone is single if you try hard enough
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
