he told me I talked like a deaf person
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
