I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
