YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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