why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
