I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
