I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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