she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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