I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
