Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
