I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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