But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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