a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
