Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
