just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I could fuck to npr.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
