just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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