Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
