Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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