Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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