I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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