It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
