if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she smelled like a LAN party
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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