Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
