Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
