How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
