you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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