Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
