So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
