my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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