Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
