she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
sex in a hospital.. check
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
