I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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