Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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