she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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