My friends, they love my intelligence
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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