Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
