well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
