Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
