Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
