go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
