You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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