So drunk its hurt
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
