I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
